Team Comedy Lounge

COMEDY FESTIVAL FIRST FOR YORK

A new week-long comedy festival is set to take place in York this June. The festival will be the first of its kind to be held in the historic city, which is one of the UK¹s most popular tourist destinations.

More than forty events will be held throughout York between the 23rd and 29th of June ­ entertaining an estimated 10,500 people. Many of the UK¹s top comedians will be performing.

Launching the festival at York¹s Grand Opera House will be an exclusive line-up featuring Omid Djalili, ('simply magnificent', The Daily Mail), Lee Mack ('Fast moving, well executed, and blindingly funny stand-up', The Times) and Boothby Graffoe ('One of the funniest comics in the land', The Guardian).

Drawing the festival to a close will be the unequalled Perrier Award Winner & British Comedy Award 'Best Stand-Up' Tommy Tiernan, who is returning to Britain with his best show ever, 'Tell Me A Story...From Inside Your Head'.

'York is the perfect city for such an event' says Festival spokesperson Tom Sharp. 'There¹s a burgeoning comedy scene, loads of ideal venues and some very pretty bits of history. The interest in the festival has been huge and we¹re looking forward to it becoming a big part of the national comedy calendar.'

More information, latest news and competitions can be found at
www.yorkcomedy.com

This stupid site makes a poem out of the contents of your webpage. The Lounge Blog poem reads:

Team posted by Susie T at work. and rubbish.
to point before I had my small trousers which is
that we might do you see what I normally squeeze into. my jacket on
holiday snaps on the nice managers
just spoken to work, until the view is
One of News is about now. get another design
as well this is the cafe where
I have another friend at 4:22 PM Wednesday, April 17, 2003
Got back from having to apologise,
that is now get a half
for the view
of a drink
and apparently I had a
train.

Two more days of work until the weekend. Thank god we started this week off a day late or it'd only be Tuesday by now. Going to see the Vines tonight at the Astoria which should be great - they are supposed to be brilliant live, so we'll soon see. Went out for my friend's birthday last night. Only really intended to buy him a drink and leave after an hour or so but all his friends were so nice and his dad popped along too so I ended up getting the last train home again. Didn't touch a drop of wine though - obviously, or I wouldn't be here now. I'm like Jekyl and Hyde on that stuff...

I also learnt last night that I need to keep my involuntary eyebrow reactions under control. My friend's old boss turned up and he always used to tell us about how much of a bitch trog from hell she was... anyway she kept inter-rupting our conversations and apparently I kept raising one or both eyebrows in a very dubious and suspicious way which may well have given away the fact that nobody there really cared what she had to say. Its not my fault I can't help it.

Here are a couple of reminders for you all...

Jerry Springer The Opera - the run at the National Theatre is underway so make sure you get yourself together and go.

Breakthrough - Fashion targets breast cancer. UK 2003 - show your support, wear the t-shirt, buy it online, I have, in fact I might get another design as well. I think I deserve some kind of medal.

Got back from the weekend away to find our holiday snaps on the door mat so I thought I'd share a few with you...



Notre Dame de Paris. No sign of any hideous hunchbacks though...



See. It's boring. It's behind glass and rubbish.



Some woman with no arms.



The beautiful grave of Oscar Wilde. Not quite sure whether we should have taken a photo but it was certainly more hygenic than leaving a lipstick mark as many other visitors seem to have done...



No sign of Ewan MacGregor or Nicole Kidman. Gutted.



The story behind the Mannequin Pis is very wrong and disturbing.



The nicest part of Brussels. Hopefully this photo should save you from having to go there yourself.



The beautiful Matt Hales. I think we might have scared him slightly by knowing who he is.



One of the greatest singer songwriters of our time along with a pretty smashing drummer.



Vous etes le meillon feible... au revoir...



This is the tiny little station we waited at for an hour an a half for the smallest train ever. The village was full of strange trumpet players, wild women and savage dogs. If you get a magnifying glass you should just be able to make out Sharon sitting on the bench with the remains of our picnic.



The little yellow van that took us round the chateaux in Tours.



Villandry... Chateau of "the ladies"



The view from the chateau in Amboise over the village. Just out of view is the cafe where I had my first croque monsieur and Sharon had the first of *many* emmental sandwiches.



I must admit to taking a photo of a train. But only cos it was a double decker and I knew you'd want photographic evidence.



Lyon. It was nicer than we thought and also had very pretty views.

I would just like to point out that jesus doesn't/didn't/won't ever exist. But Happy Chocolate/4 Day Weekend all the same. I would also like to highlight that this does not represent the view of the whole Comedy Lounge team.

Hello. Happy Easter. Here, to represent the Spirit of the risen baby Jesus of Christ, and to commemorate the fact that He gave His life so that we may live to eat chocolate, is a flapping chicken.

All fans of the Christian Church Crawl hobby please take note.

It is lovely and sunny today - I didn't even wear my jacket on the way to work, that's how hot it is - about 25 degrees apparently and hotter tomorrow. According to Chris Smith, Head of News and Sport at Xfm, the weather in London is officially "lovely". Today is going ok so far, not too much rubbish to deal with at work and I seem to be making heavy inroads into all the crap that was left for me while I was away/sick/hungover. I have also had a pot of olives with my lunch. How very healthy and mediterranean of me. Did I mention that me and Sharon were on the Mediterranean coast only a few weeks ago?

I have done very well this week, not drinking or going out and I have been on my stepper twice. Whether I can make it three nights in a row is touch and go. Need to check the tyre pressure on my car this evening for the pending Easter break in nottingham and I am going to the Beeb tomorrow night. What a fascinating life I lead. I have also checked out the comedy situation in Nottingham and Jongleurs appears to be the only option over Easter, with Paul Tonkinson and Gordon Southern which is tempting but possibly not tempting enough seeings we'd have to sit in a room full of idiots.

Divvy Dave Marks had a marathon. His last entry is now up, and if you've not been reading it, read it all at once right now.

One of the nice managers just winked at me... hooray, I have another friend at work. That brings the total to about 4. Well done me. I just *love* working here.

Today I am very bored but the excellent news is that I have made it into work. Again, no boss but I think that is just as well given last week's escapades and my no-show at work on friday. Have just spoken to my boss on the phone about something work related and he didn't seem too mad but he was in the middle of an important meeting so I doubt it would have been appropriate for him to start shouting at me. Oh well. And I was going to call him to apologise, that would be stupid now I have spoken to him. Ah well.

Would just like to say congratulations to Jo, Suzanne and Dave who all ran the London marathon yesterday. Jo came in at 4hr 23m, Suzanne at 4hr 45m and Dave "Nice Mum" Marks at 4hr 20m. If it had been me I would probably be passing the Cutty Sark round about... now. We are very proud of them all. I intend to run the marathon at some point before I turn 30 so I'd better get my trainers on and start practising cos it's not all that far away anymore. Did I mention I nearly went swimming yesterday. Still, its the thought that counts, although after living on baguettes, jambon and crisps on holiday and having been unable to eat during my hangover I can now get into my small trousers which I can't normally squeeze into. Actually, I'm not sure that's any of your business.

Going to the recording of Tonight With Jonathan Ross on Thursday cos Blur are playing and I'm not sure if I have mentioned this, but I think Blur are quite good. (Do you see what I did there?) That will be fun. Not much else planned for the week - possibly going to see the splendid Trap boys tomorrow night at the Canal Cafe. Other than that my week is going to be lovely and quiet and involve no alcohol whatsoever, at least until I get to Nottingham for Easter. And word has it that it is going to be a scorcher this weekend. That reminds me, I must check my tyre pressure before I leave... being a girl, I have no idea whatsoever how to go about doing that. Perhaps if I park my car next to the air machine thing in a garage and bat my eyelids that might do the trick.

On Thursday night I donated my body to scientific research and proved the rule, "wine then beer you'll feel queer." I actually went one better and proved the rule, "a bottle and a half of wine then two and a half pints of beer, you'll feel quite drunk and won't go to work the next day and will get yourself into a lot of trouble with your boss."

This is conclusive proof.

Its a day closer to the weekend - hooray. Going to the Amused Moose tonight to see one of the finest bill's there has been in the whole of London for many a year. Andy Zaltzman, John Oliver, Chris Addison and Rob Newman.

You'll be glad to know that in the two and a half weeks since I was last at work, my boss hasn't got bored of eating horrible stinking Thai bites. It is clearly still a ritual he carries out every morning at 11.30am and yet again I feel sick.

Spent the day furthering my new found love of trains by trying organising tickets for my Wedding and Hen night tour of the UK in May.

So if you're interested, and if you are reading this then you must be, my itinerary for May is as follows.

First weekend - Lucy's hen weekend in Southampton - Quad biking, clay pidgeon shooting, dinner then drinking.
Second weekend - The London Blur Festival (8/9/10/12/13)
Third weekend - Jo's hen weekend in Bristol - Spa pampering day then dinner and drinking. Also Ursula & Dom's wedding in London.
Fourth weekend - Kate's hen weekend in Nottingham - White-water rafting then dinner and lot of drinking. Also Alex & Jen's wedding in London.
Last weekend - Jo & Johnny's wedding in Bristol. Also James & Lucy's wedding in Southampton. Both start at 2pm.

First weekend in June - sleep and reposession of credit cards along with parent's house.

I think it is safer for me to get the train to Southampton in case I break my leg going quad-biking cos I won't be able to drive home and also best to get the train to Nottingham in case I drown when we go white water rafting and then Kathryn will have an alternative means of getting back to London. Either way I am going to do myself an injury at some point in May - possibly jumping around to Blur for 5 nights, more or less, in a row.

I have accidentally won... well, bought... a ticket for the last Blur gig in May. It was an accident... honest.

Its very dangerous to be bored at work and have access to ebay and your own cheque account.

So now it seems I will be going to all five London shows. Nice. Yet slightly stupid.

I just got a text message from the Blue Orchid nightclub in Croydon saying "why pay to come in to the Blue Orchid when you can be paid to come in. To join the team call..." I wonder if they were answering my plea..? I don't think that's the kind of break I am looking for!

I am bored.

If you enjoy reading this nonsense, Why Not Try??? pre-ordering St. Danny of Wallace's debut solo novel "Join Me" from Amazon. You should. Its bound to be very funny indeed.

I am back at work today and boy do I not want to be here.

I am not sure why I do this to myself year after year. Its obviously a money thing but that is all. Clearly I will be quitting my job in July and my last day will more than likely be 25 July so if I give myself another 2 weeks of holiday/sick days then I will be in this stinking hell hole for about 13 weeks in total. Not a nice thought but bearable I spose. Every year during or after Edinburgh I get a glimmer of hope on the horizon but then nothing comes of it. So this year during Edinburgh I am getting myself a job, be it flyering or working in a press office. I am 90% sure about who I will be working for and I think it will be very hard work but more importantly a huge amount of fun and definitely very good experience. Then when I come home at the end of August who knows... I can't leave it much longer to at least try to do what I want to but its just a matter of getting a break. I certainly can't face working in a bank again. A month inter-railing round Europe definitely appeals...

If only I was happy with a well paid job, a mortgage and the odd holiday here and there... life would be so much simpler, but it wouldn't be nearly as much fun. God, its only 10.45am, this is not good. At least my boss isn't in today.

Today I realised I am in love with the character Travis in Home and Away. I don't know why cos he has got long hair and isn't in the least bit funny...

Also my mum sent me out to buy licorice. Apparently this is a good cure for a slipped disc. I think she might be taking advantage of my kind nature.

We have come to Marseille for the dey today but it appears to be rubbish so we are killing some time in the internet cafe by the old port until the next train back to Avignon. Yesterday we inadvertently walked the whole way round the city walls of Avignon which we didn't actually plan to do. We also forgot to eat until about 9pm last night but we found a really cool little restaurance on Place d'Horlorge near the Papes Palace. They specially made Sharon a massive plate of vegetables cos otherwise the French take vegetarian to mean you eat fish. ("'I am basically a vegetarian... except for chicken and fish....', well really, cos I am basically a non-smoker except for cigarettes") Another Jack Dee quite for you there that springs to mind. Anyway we went to the Irish pub too last night cos the beds at the hotel are so soft that we needed some booze inside us to help us fall asleep and we appear to be in France during the Mistral season cos it is really bloody windy. Bigdil has been on the telly practically every day this week and we have been watching Zone Rouge a lot too - its like The Chair on the BBC with John McEnroe but the French version is easier. There is a celebrity version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire tonight which is also hosted by the man who does Zone Rouge and one of the contestants is the lady from La Maillon Faible. There is a lot of inter-breeding amongst the rubbish French gameshows.

Marseille is supposed to look like this



but today it looks nothing like it. It is just a big PR stunt by the french to get mugs like us to come here.

Anyway we are going to take pictures of the old port and then get out of here. We have to pack tonight. *Sob*

Another remnder for me...
Richard Hawley is brilliant.

Since being in France I can't get this Jack Dee quote out of my head...

(Refering to the fire in the Channel Tunnel that was started on a lorry before it passed through security..)
(french accent)"What ave you on your lorry...?"
"A fire."
(french accent)">Zat is good...alle"

If anyone can find "The Longest Time" by David Gray on MP" on the internet please please let us know cos we are trying to find it desperately seeings as he taunted us with it back in Brixton in 2001 and is never going to release it. The git. We do love him though. Not sure we will get round to telling you how great the gigs were though cos like the Druids who never wrote things down, I think we are best of keeping the memories inside our own heads.

I will however tell you this. We got set lists from Tilburg, which are like gold dust cos they play most of the songs so infrequently, signed to us by the entire band including David Gray. Not bad going eh!?

We did arse all today due to the fact that we are on holiday - don't you even know that yet? We did, however, take the funicular challenge. The funicular is a sort of ski-lift type thing that takes you up the massive hill in Vieux Lyon by going through tunnels inside the actual hill. We bought a return ticket to see what was at the top of one of the lines and ended up coming straight back down and onto the other in order to get home. However, after a long walk following the rubbish map we have we ended up back at the bottom of the hill again. So, using the tickets we had already used two times too many, we went back up to a different stop and managed to get back that way. So it was Team CL 4 - Lyon funicular 1. We are minor transport criminals in Lyon. Nice. Seems neither as funny or exciting as it was now I've written it down...

Also a strange French woman noticed we speak English and accosted us to discuss the problems of learning English. "It's dance class and maths lesson but you don't say dance lesson or maths class." Don't we? I had no idea there were such strict rules... we had absolutely no ides what she was on about but she bored herself after about 10 minutes and went away perhaps a little more confused for talking to us.

Welcome back. You may have noticed that tonight we are mostly posting up old Lee & Herring gems. This hobby is a good hobby because it allows you to entertain yourself by using only a computer and your sense of humour. Drink your weak lemon drink now, there will be no time later.

Anyone who knows anything at all should remember that Rod Hull (he was him) used to appear regularly on Fist of Fun as himself, Rod Hull, but sadly the real Rod Hull died around the time of the filming of what was to be "Out And About With Rod Hull" so none of them could be shown as they might have caused offence to the Hull family. This is just a taster of what could have been. We are desperate to see what was actually filmed but alas this shall never be...

TITLES. SONG. SCENE. A LION TAMING PLACE OF SOME SORT, EXT OR INT, WHATEVER. ROD TO CAMERA

ROD Hello, I am Rod Hull. I am him. This week, in order to win a bowl of delicious green jelly, I am going to learn how to be a lion tamer. Grrrrr! I am Rod Hull.

CAPTION - 'LION TAMING'. CUT TO ROD WITH LION TAMER WHO IS IN CIRCUS CLOTHES. WE HEAR LIONS GROWLING OFF THROUGHOUT, AND SEE BARS OF LION CAGE BEHIND THEM WITH "LIONS. THESE LIONS ARE WILD ANIMALS" SIGN.

ROD Hello. I am Rod Hull.

TAMER Yes.

ROD I am. I'm him. I mean me. I'm Rod Hull.

TAMER I know.

ROD Yes. And I want to learn how to tame lions.

TAMER Well, at least you've had some experience of working with wild animals.

ROD I'm sorry.

TAMER Wild animals. You know, that old Emu.

ROD I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. I am Rod Hull.

TAMER Yes.

ROD I wrote the Bristol Rovers football song.



TAMER Are there any more football songs in the pipeline?

ROD No.

TAMER Any other kinds of songs...

ROD No!!!!!

STORMS OFF. BLOKE LOOKS UPSET. CUT TO LATER.

TAMER OK, Rod, before I can let you in with a real lion I'll just show you the tools of the trade. Take this chair in your left hand, and this whip in your right.. oh..

ROD I can manage. Thank-you. I am Rod Hull.

TAMER And if the Lion gets nasty, just crack the whip at him and he'll back off straight away. Let's see you crack the whip.

ROD There.

ROD FUMBLES CRACKING THE WHIP.

TAMER No..

ROD I can do it. I am Rod Hull. Now let me in the lion cage so I can win my jelly.

TAMER I don't think ...

ROD I am Rod Hull ...

TAMER No way. And not in that jacket. Those checks will enrage the lions.

ROD The jacket stays on...

TAMER Just slip it off and I'll get you a circus coat and..

ROD No. The jacket stays on.

TAMER You can't....

THEY STRUGGLE. ROD BEATS THE TAMER TO THE GROUND WITH HIS CHAIR. AND RUNS TO THE CAGE GATE.

TAMER I need my jelly!

HE FLINGS OPEN THE GATE.

TAMER Nooo!

CUT TO, LION'S POV. GROWLING.

ROD Oooh! Nice lion!

HE TRIES TO CRACK THE WHIP. ROARING. LION'S POV. ROD GOES DOWN. GROWLSSS.... CUT TO TWO LION TAMERS LOOKING DOWN AT BODY.. SATISFIED LION NOISE.

TAMER 1 He's dead.

TAMER 2 I don't understand. If only he'd cracked the whip like I showed him...

TAMER 1 And look. He had a real arm all along. Why didn't he use it?

TAMER 2 I don't know. I just don't know.

SAD MUSIC. THE CAMERA PANS OVER BLOOD STAINED WIG AND CHIN AND ARM TO BOWL OF GREEN JELLY OR MAYBE A LION EATING SOME JELLY.

RICHARD THOMAS (SUNG SADLY) Ooooh. Rod Hull

Ian Hartvin of Leicester has done Ians proud by nam-ian-ing his first-born child Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Hartvin. His wife, Iana, said, "I wouldn't mind. But little Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian is a girl." Ha ha. A girl, you see. Good lan luck to Ian, Iana and of course Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian Ian or perhaps we can call you Ian for short. Ha ha. Only jok-ian-ing.

This evening we have mostly been reminiscing about Lee and Herring (how brilliant they were and still are) and have been trying to remember sketches from Fist of Fun and TMWRNJ (TMWRNJ). As a result we find ourselves back in the internet cafe looking through the Lee & Herring archives and generally trying to laugh ourselves tired so we sleep through the night... All of the funny stuff we are putting up this evening is courtesy to the tzo funniest men that are/have ever/will ever live.

Peter Dibdin's Order and Meaning Of The Traffic Lights Sign
(for all non-driving idiots)

Red is the colour of the apple so fine.
STOP
Red and amber is the sunset in the evening time..
GET READY
Green is the frog all covered in slime.
GO
Amber is the sunrise in the morning time.
STOP UNLESS BRAKING WOULD BE MORE DANGEROUS THAN CONTINUING
Red is the colour of the apple so fine.
STOP
And that is the order of the traffic light sign.

WAIT FOR APPLAUSE. ENCOURAGE IF NECESSARY

Some reminders for me...

I am Kloot 4 June
Aqualung 11 April

After an interesting nights sleep we have been wandering the streets of Lyon in search of something to do but have decided to just wander about aimlessly instead. We managed to find another Everythings 2 € shop which was most pleasing. This entry will be quite boring cos we are quite unarsed about being in Lyon even though it is lovely and really very pretty. Its just a stop gap until we get to Avignon ans go and see the Pap palace. We are also going to spend the day in Marseille on the mediterranean coast which should be superb. Not much planned for tonight other than knackering ourselves out so we can sleep through the racket that the others lake when they come into the dorm. Call us middle-aged or snobby but we much prefer having our own room with an en suite shower and a TV so we can watch Bigdil.