Team Comedy Lounge

Festival has finished. Thank our lucky stars. We got through it in two pieces, and are very pleased to have arrived at the other side. A multitude of reviews now available at lounge reviews, because we've not got round to posting them sooner. Reviews include GUD, Peepolykus, Black Sheep, The Consultants, Miles Jupp, Tittle Tattle, Alan Carr and other ones not published anywhere else in the world. That's right. Be quite excited.

News from last night to follow, as soon as our vision returns.

*FANFARE...DRUM ROLL*
We are proud to announce this year's winners of the coveted Comedy Lounge Awards 2003 in an order that is only obvious to Team CL.

***Best Show***
GUD: Paul McDermott, Cameron Bruce, Mick Moriarty (Sharon)
Making Fish Laugh: Alex Horne and Tim Key (Susan)


Best Newcomer Alex Horne
Best Character Gary Le Strange
Best Stand-Up John Oliver
Best Double Act Danny (Robins) and Dan (Tetsell)
Best Sketch Show Laurence & Gus
Best Lady/Ladies Emma Kennedy
Tim Vine Spirit of the Fringe Award Alfie Joey
Best Kiss Adrian Poynton and Tom Price
Best Childrens Show Jeremy Lions
Best Party BBC New Comedy Awards
Best Perrier Acceptance Speech Simon Farnaby on behalf of Gary Le Strange
Best Solo Show (feat. another actor) 57 Minutes: Dan Clark
Best Poetry Owen O'Neill
Best Wife and our Best New Friend Katy Darby
Electric Eel Drinking Award Steve Oram (despite only being up for 2 nights)
Best Festival Blog Jonathan 'I don't exist' Glasgow
Best Hospitality niCe mUm
Noble and Silver Innovation Award Wicker Woman: Population 3
Ross Noble Award for Innovation in Hair Carl Cooper
Best Contemporary Dancer Adam G.Goodwin
Noel Fielding Award for Longest Trail of Girls GUD
Most Politest PersonMark Felgate
Best Guest Appearance Mat Horne
Best Non-Appearance Cliff Kelly

And for the second consecutive year
Tony Law Award for Style Danny 'from the block' Robins

If you have been lucky enough to win, the awards themselves will be purchased and made by both members of Comedy Lounge tomorrow morning and will be ready for collection after your final shows...

I made the mistake of agreeing to a "double or quits" style bet with Dave Marks last night as to the outcome of the Perrier Newcomer award. We've agreed to double the £5 bet (that I won) already made on the nominations, and now I've got a fresh £10 riding on Gary Le Strange winning Newcomer. Dave is backing Alex Horne. I may well live to regret that. Although I'm sure I'm right.

Last night was the So You Think You're Funny finals and after-competition party. The winner of the finals is not important. The party is of course the thing that took up all of our attention. We even accidentally got a refund for our Dave Gorman show tickets, so as to make the most of the free booze.

We spent the night (no, not like that) with the niCe mUm collective, who had sensibly bagsied a table in the corner in the dark, all the better to cover with free drink so that we wouldn't run out at any time.

Best sights of the night included two thirds of The Trap going off on an air guitar frenzy; television star Mat Horne coming over all camp and gaylord while staring in the direction of one third of Electric Eel; Avid Merrion being spectacularly unfunny not once but twice while presenting the competition winners with their champagne; one of the competition runners up threatening to burn down Teviot.

We tragically ran out of both drink and fags at 5am, coincidentally the time that the lights came back on, the sun began to rise, and we thought it best to try to go home before people started getting up for work.

Its been a few days since we have properly blogged what with all the excitement of the past few days. On Friday we spent the day in the vicinity of the Corn Exchange in anticipation of seeing the great David Gray. It was a lovely afternoon as we sat in the shade which was nothing compared to the sub-zero temperatures we stupidly endured when we saw him in December at Earls Court. Of course we managed to get straight to the front, slightly off to the right as ever, and the gig was absolutely fantastic. Tom Baxter was supporting and he was really brilliant – he occasionally sounded like he was trying to pick up where Jeff Buckley left off and we highly recommend you go and see him if you can. We’ve seen him about the Pleasance for the past few days along with his bass player and have managed to resist the temptation to run over to him and say something that would embarrass us all. Our willpower is astounding. David Gray was up to his usual high standards and the set-list was a very strange one but after the corking set-list in Tilburg it would have been very hard for him to think of a better one for Edinburgh. We were beginning to panic that he wasn’t going to play “Late Night Radio”/”Faster Sooner Now” but thankfully they did albeit three songs into the encore. As soon as he set foot on stage, he was off again and we made our way over to the Pleasance Dome to see Dan Clark take a starring role in “Priorite Unplugged” alongside Arn and Justin from Priorite A Gauche. It was a night of new songs and the old classics including Electric Eel’s Gothic Leper song and Priorite’s “Tricolore 3A”.

Over the weekend we managed to brave the crowds and see a good few shows including Three Men and a Giant, Paul Tonkinson, Jeremy Lions (who we gather was on the Perrier longlist), GUD (between us we have now seen this 7 times – guess which of us has seen it the most??) and Gary Le Strange (which was absolutely twenty times more brilliant than the London previews and we could sing along). So we did quite well really. On Monday we actually managed to see a record five shows –

Twelve Angry Men was absolutely amazing. We are hoping this might transfer down to London as Jerry Springer the Opera has. Each and every performer in this show was great including Andy Smart and his dodgy German accent. Jeff Green was very sweet and the three actors (as opposed to the comedians) fitted into the cast brilliantly. We also saw “Millennium Prayer” starring Dominic Coleman, John Oliver (which should have got a Perrier nomination), Glen Wool and Daniel Kitson (which was absolutely fantastic and we are awaiting his first novel or radio series).

Tuesday saw the long-awaited arrival of Oram and Meeten into the comedy capital of Scotchland and the premier screening of the Wingnut Tapes at Brass Monkey.

Last night while sitting in the Brookes bar we were witness to Perrier Nominee Howard Read approaching Perrier judge Kate Copstick to apologise for the joke about her in his show. It was quite a disappointing thing to see. Despite her reputation as a bit of a cow, she had obviously gallantly taken the jibe very well and proceeded to tell him that she thought his show was absolutely great. So she can’t be that much of a cow then…

We rounded the night off by sitting in the front row of Phil Nicol’s show in Pleasance One. He was on top form, screaming his head off and yelling at everyone to “sing it!” and he had a number of special celebrity guests, including (much to Sharon’s delight) GUD. It must have been fate. Phil finished the night with the Only Gay Eskimo and more or less the whole audience joined in with the chorus and I am sure one or two of them shed a tear.

Tonight is the night of the So You Think You’re Funny final and we have all of our fingers and toes crossed for Ed Petrie, one of the Three Men and a Giant lads. He has really developed since the start of the festival and I can’t think of anyone more deserving of winning so check back here tomorrow and we will tell you how he did. We, of course, will be attending the party afterwards but can’t make the actual final as we were denied tickets so we are going to see Dave Gorman at the Queen’s Hall instead.

As we are very important in the Comedy World we found out ages ago who the Perrier Nominees are. It is only now that we choose to share them with you...

Howard Read - The Big Howard and Little Howard Show
Demitri Martin - If Only...
Reginald D. Hunter - White Woman
Adam Hills - Cut Loose (or Foot Loose as we like to call it...)
Flight of the Conchords - High On Folk

So well done to team Perrier for that. We also hear solid rumours that our very own Alex Horne (who we tipped for greatness many months ago) has possibly (definitely) been nominated for Newcomer. So well done to lovely Alex Horne and lovely Tim Key. This is a tough one for us cos we also hear similarly strong rumours that Gary Le Strange is maybe (definitely) nominated too and he is bloody brilliant too - so its between the two of them (Can't see Miles Jupp or Michael McIntyre winning fingers crossed... not that anyone has told us they are nominated too.... (which they are)).

News of these nominations clearly indicates that niCe mUm's Dave Marks owes Sharon a crisp Scottish fiver.

Its a happy day for Neo-Regency Face Warriors and Fish all over the world... (special congratulations to Daniel Lewis) x

Hello.
You may be surprised to have reached this page. Seeings there doesn't seem to be a single FTP programme on earth that will let us update the site, we thought it best to make you come straight to our blog. You can click on the left to go and look at the Edinburgh site in all its glory but unfortunately we are unable to make any changes at this point. So there.
Goodbye.

Hey there.

I'm having another night off the Festival - the pace of all those young people is far too much for me to take every night, especially during the hot, over-crowded weekend, so I've taken the time to bash off some reviews. Taking our review total to four. Yes, we're really pulling out all the stops this year.

So simply click here to read reviews of NICE MUM ARE CHOCOLATE BENDERS, WICKER WOMAN, ROB ROUSE and DAN CLARK - 57 MINUTES.

Last night we managed to leave the house at 9.35pm and went to see Alex Horne (and Tim Key) make some fish (i.e. Daniel Lewis) laugh. Yet again (and this was only the second time we have seen it) the show was absolutely hilarious and we did spy a number of Perrier judges in the audience - one of them rather unsubtley clutching a bottle of Perrier. We saw and heard a lot more the second time round and it was clear that they have been constantly updating the show which was great to see. By the time the festival ends Daniel should have about £25 worth of book vouchers which isn't bad going for a fish. He'll have to make sure he gets waterproof books though or the pages might get a bit soggy.
We headed back to the Dome and after discovering that Steve Hall had been massively misquoted (more on this story to follow in the next update of Edinburgh or Burst) by Fest when asked his thoughts on New Act Competitions, we decided to go and see him and Ed Petrie (another of the Three Men who has deservedly qualified for the SYTYF? Final) at the Establishment. It was an interesting night to say the least which was ably compered by Ed - the first act was Blind Date who are American and rather than performing an excerpt from their inevitably crap show, did some "improv". Even if you forget that we had seen the dream improv team the night before, they were pretty dire. It made us realise that maybe we could both bring a show up to Edinburgh after all - and even star in it. It couldn't be much worse than Blind Date's poor efforts.

Busy day today. After being stood up before a potentially hot double date we took it upon ourselves to actually bother seeing some shows - what a novel idea. We saw Wicker Woman which was really rather good - wonderfully produced with the most inventive use of props, costumes and puppets. This was followed in quick succession by The Trap who were also funny although not as funny as usual. Having said that, we may be slightly jaded by the number of shows we haven't been seeing of late. Next we went onto see Comedy Lounge favourite Rob Rouse who made us cry (with laughter) which hasn't really happened all that much during the festival this year. The last show we saw was The Dinks which was incredibly rubbish. Whoever thought it was a good idea to bring that "show" up to Edinburgh needs some kind of lobotomy. Consisting of three excellent comedians, you, like us, would expect a great hour of laughs aplenty but it really was massively disappointing. We hear rumours of Perrier nominations but surely that can't be right.

Today after a minor scuffle with the stupid girl on the till I bought a new pair of black cords. Although my current black cords are a mere 3 years old and are threadbare I always said I would wear them until the bitter end and since putting my foot through the crotch I have had to say a fond farewell. Whilst browsing the racks in Flip we were brushed past by none other than Paul McDermott and his keyboard playing side-kick Cameron - both of which Sharon, as you know, is desperately in love with. So that was nice. We also nearly caused a traffic accident as we made Alfie Joey pull over on the corner of a busy junction in order that he could give us our Alfie Joey key-rings which we now have about our persons. Incidentally, if anyone would like to take out some advertising space on the Comedy Lounge bags then please do get in touch. They are the subject of many a conversation with both punters and promoters and advertising costs are just one pint of Tennants per badge per bag.

I have eaten my first ham and cheese toastie in the Pleasance cafe but am yet to give in to the hot dog stand. Well done me.

Well we think we have managed to download an FTP programme now but Sharon's computer seems to be in some way related to mine in that it is quite slow and refuses to refresh pages properly. So its anyone's guess. We may or may not have succeeded in updating the new acts page - why don't you look and see and let us know. It is 6.50pm and we still haven't left the house. We didn't wake up til 3.30pm, thats quite special....needs.

Now then, where do I start? Last night was the final of the BBC New Comedy Awards which concluded with Rhod Gilbert winning and Steve Hall and Greg Cook as worthy runners up. Never mind all that nonsense, lets get onto the party - the highlight of which was seeing a certain chortle-ing website monkey snogging one of the female finalists of the BBC Competition *clue - there was only one girl* This culminated in several photographs being taken by a nameless photographer which will be published on this very website and/or copies will be sold around the Pleasance for £1 a go.

Got to the party at just gone midnight to find a severe lack of danceage so we laid into the free booze and mustered up the energy to dance to a song that I can't remember at this precise moment because I am slightly hungover. Having said that, it was probably Michael Jackson. There was some stunning dancing from the artist currently known as Adam G. Goodwin. He was really taking the dancefloor by storm. Others could only look on in wonder and despair. On this performance alone he has bagged himself a Comedy Lounge award the title of which has yet to be finalised.

Joyfully I got to meet my new all-time heroes of Tim Key and Alex Horne who were very lovely indeed and we learnt a very interesting fact about how Tim got into the Footlights - this is highly illegal so I am not at liberty to divulge this information and you will have to find out for yourselves. Needless to say I think they are both fantastuic and am very smug cos I have said for months that I think Alex Horne is very funny indeed. I think I deserve some kind of medal. I also had a brief conversation with none other than Paul Gudgeon (Director of the entire Fringe Festival - yes that's right, look impressed) who alerted our attention to this little website, www.rathergood.com which is splendid. He also told us that he couldn't drink too much cos he was going to be interviewed by Angela Rippon in the morning. I hastened to point out that it would make for a more interesting and exlusive interview if he was hungover. I don't think he agreed.

Today we had another rare siting of Alfie Joey - readers will be glad to know that his car is now on the mend and also the keyrings have arrived - get in. We also had an exclusive tip off that Gavin Webster was off sick again (get well soon) and had handed over his slot in the cellar to an improv(e) group but not just any old improv group - an improv group consisting of Ian Coppinger, Adam Hills, Ross Noble, the actor Dave Johns and some guy called Peter who we think is from Australia. It was absolutely fantastic and at one point Ross Noble threw himself across the stage and crashed against the wall and landed in a heap. Around the time of impact which made a very loud thud we looked away wincing but also killing ourselves laughing. Fortunately Ross was fine and managed to style it out like the seasoned pro that he is, pretending that he had meant all along to potentially break his arm.

We also have it on good authority that earlier this afternoon Dave Gorman was seen buying a chicken and mushroom pie - more on this story as and when news arrives.

Having won five English pounds from young Kris Dyer of niCe mUm fame for correctly guessing the origins of his lighter (the right answer was Germany, although he never did say how he was so sure) I've been bitten by the gambling bug and have unwisely placed a bet on the outcome of the Perrier this year. Divvy Dave Marks of niCe mUm fame has bet me five pounds sterling - we didn't specify whether Scottish or English - that Dantapolski would win the big award this year. I have bet (obviously) that he won't. My winnings, there's no doubt, will be put towards paying any number of bills coming through the door when this crazy Festival has finished.

We had a List party tonight. There was beer and vodka and cocktails and dancing and people with blue stripes across their faces. We also had an episode with an evil fairy godmother, but that passed peacefully. No fisticuffs were exchanged and no blood was spilled, so that's an achievement in itself. We led the dancing to the crazy beats of Michael Jackson or something and then, having necked all the free drink, hopped on the fun bus back to the Brooks Bar to hang about with the famous.

There is also some good news in the form of an impending update of the site. We have made interview with the lovely lovely lovely Waen Shepherd of Gary Le Strange fame and the loopy slapstick niCe mUm boys with their monkey tech Mark. The mUms regaled us with tales of their wild late night antics of jigsaw puzzles and sport equipment based meals, so you should all be having a look forward to that coming on line at some stage tomorrow. Don't hold your breath though. It will hurt your lungs.

*ALFIE WATCH*

Readers will be relieved to hear that after two baron days with no Alfie Joey sightings whatsoever, we finally caught up with him yesterday. It was a brief encounter as he was on his way to do a gig in Glasgow and wasn't sure how he was getting there due to the fact that his venue broke down a few days ago and Alfie tells us that he fears it is a write off. Still no sign of the key rings, we thought it'd be slightly insensitive to his predicament to demand prizes when his little red escort is facing car heaven.

Late Nights at the Dome was spectacular and featured two separate comedians telling one Dave Gorman joke and one Julian Barratt joke, shan't name them cos they may well have had permission or maybe they lent them out in the first place but it was the Welsh LL Cool J joke of Dave's and Julian's 'as cool as the other side of the pillow' line. Its all part of the Comedy Lounge joke theft prevention programme. We are getting very good at it.

Another 5am bedtime... List party tonight...

We found out tonight at a late night comedy gig that two actresses will be playing the part of us in an improvised film currently being made in the hot and clammy town of Edinburgh. Which will be featuring a quite well known comedian, and is being directed by a quite well known comedian. Obviously, we would have been thrilled to play to part ourselves, but we demand too much money. Plus the director didn't have our numbers on him at the time. Gutted.

Jason Byrne made both of us cry with talk of poorly mice.

Susan also touched Tony Hawkes right on the hand, while looking him in the eye and explaining that we knew Danny Wallace. It's been quite a long and emotional day.

The highlight of the day however - and gosh, on this day there have been many highlights(including watching the full two and a half hour omnibus of Home and Away while occasionally looking at each other and suggesting we leave the house at some point) - was the arrival of comedy actor, comedy writer, comedian and all round best bloke from a sketch troupe that isn't actually appearing at the festival... that's right ladies, ADAM G GOODWIN has come to town. Lock up your daughters and sons, it's going to be a rocky ride.

On a more sour note, we met Jonathan Glasgow in the Dome. He was sitting on his own, apparently stalking Dave Gorman. He told us he had some friends with him, and then started crying and saying something about Jesus taking all of the duvet. He's asked us over for dinner some time next week, but we're not sure we want to go - apparently all of his dishes involve tennis balls.

Just killing some time on the net and found this on Popbitch and it made me smile...

"Animal enthusiast Terry Nutkins is bringing a film of his life to the screen. He's written an outline and is already talking to TV producers. "This could be as good as Free Willy," he says, adding that he wants Dennis Waterman to play him." Do they want me to compose the feem toon? Speaking of which we spotted David Walliams standing in the entrance to the Pleasance Dome chatting to Jimmy Carr, Andrew Clover and that young fat boy who plays fat boys in comedy shows.

Last night we had our first proper festival night which seems to have kickstarted us into being nocturnal. We spent a mere 4 hours in the company of the three niCe mUm bitches who kept us entertained with tales of "making lasagne", being pushed hard off stools by a very drunk Steve K and trying to pretend they didn't know which of us was which. They also let us cash in the beer tokens we have been acquiring from them over the past year to make up for the one pint Sharon bought them last year. Nice Mum told us we were like Pork and Tomato or Cream and Sauce (?!) They also suggested we put together a show featuring ourselves for next year's festival and call it "The Incredible Michigan Bicycle Sisters" featuring mostly ice-cream. It is at this point that I feel I should point out just how large a volume of Tennants Tops were consumed in that fateful 4 hours.

We are now in search of drinking companions for every night of the festival. The more variety the better so if you'd like to offer yourself and a few pints of beer to Comedy Lounge just get in touch. Don't be shy. We are eagerly awaiting the arrival of Adam G. Goodwin into this lovely Scottish city so he can entertain us with tales of "Shape" and be our bitch. He should also have our guest reviewer Wolfgang in tow although nobody tell him cos Wolfgang has stolen his mother's teeth.

Happily, after weeks, nay months, of me boring Sharon, Helena and anyone else who would listen, about how great I think Alex Horne is after I saw him do 5 minutes at UCL Student Union at the start of the year, we finally went to see the man. Despite him being a ex-member of the Cambridge Footlights (he was VP you know...) we didn't let this impair our enjoyment of the show. Having not seen any flyers or PR material, we expected and would have been more than happy to witness an hour of Alex Horne's stand-up but we were given so much more. The show also featured Tim Key (ex-Perrier Nominated Footlight who has also directed this years Footlights offering along with Mark Watson who won the Open Mike award a few years ago) who was also fantastic. It is by far the best show I have see so far this festival and not only do we intend to go at least another 3 times, but we plan to buy a book of clockroom tickets and thrust our hands into the air when they draw the ticket to find a volnteer to be the subject of a tickling attack. Go and see it and you will see why... All of this, and new Comedy Lounge favourite Marek Larwood was in the audience with the equally superb Alexis Dubis. No-one is safe from the Comedy Lounge paparazzi... We know where you all are at all times.

Here is some further reading for any other Alex Horne fans out there...
Bound & Gagged Agency
Jack Magazine
Chortle

We also went to see Fascinating Aida last night which was great but I think one of them is/was secretly a man. Shan't reveal which. We were the youngest people in the whole audience which consisted mostly of beige gimmers.

Yet again I am in the internet cafe after meeting up with Lyndsay who I used to live in halls with at uni all those years ago - I made her buy tickets to go and see Alex Horne (I should get commission). I am waiting for Sharon to come out of Peepolykus and am thinking of treating her to dinner at Pizza Hut. That's how generous I am. Today is one of those days where I have been useless and forgotten to book tickets to anything... think I might go and see Gary Le Strange cos he's great and I haven't seen his Edinburgh show yet. Quite lethargic and apathetic today. And hungry.

Just back from Late N Live. IT'S HALF PAST THE FOUR OF THE MORNING! It was very good. Paul McDermott is a talented musician and singer songwriter, and I was very cheered up by his wonderful rendition of the popular hit song "Your Jeans Are Too Tight". He also made a vague reference to an old Doug Anthony All Stars routine about necrophilia, inspiring one particularly inebriated young man (or "twat", as the entire audience called him) who tried to teach Jimmy Carr the new sexual technique of munging. If you're brave enough, type the phrase "munging" in to a search engine, and see what it says. Having heard the explanation, I'm not brave enough. I'm afraid some internet police will come and take my computer away, and then I'd have nowhere to write my love letters to Paul reviews for the paper.

David O'Doherty did unfeasibly well with quite a horrible crowd, and the worst heckle he received all night was the geographically accurate but otherwise useless "You're from Sandymount!"

As for Susan's unkind comments below, I'll have you know that I didn't drool once at all during the night, and even if I did, it was mopped up very swiftly. I must go now and attend to the creation of my Paul McDermott shrine, which is growing nicely by the day. If someone would be so kind as to get me a lock of his hair, then the bewitching spell can begin tommorrow.

Great. Now I can't even get onto our website to see if the bloody FTP thing works. This is just typical. I am getting quite hungry now. And annoyed at computers. But on a cheerier note I hear rumours of Stewart Lee stand-up sets being knocked about mainly between me and Sharon but rest assured you will be the third person to know once we receive official confirmation.

Like the investigative comedy bloodhounds that we are we have sniffed out this little gem... Sit Down Comedy is going to be launched on Monday 11th August at 6pm at the Acanthus Bar on Waverley Bridge in Edinburgh. This clashes with the BBC New Comedy Awards final but fear not we will be sticking our beaks in early on and catching a glimpse of the comedy gods we like to call Stewart Lee, Simon Munnery and some other names that we have forgotten because on reading that Stewart Lee would be at the festival nothing else really seemed all that important anymore.

We also have a new Comedy Lounge friend, namely the man with his own venue... Alfie Joey. He is very famous you know and there are some words about his show written on the Sky News site and a lovely picture too. We are slightly worried that he may be stalking us because on average, we bump into Alfie at least twice or thrice a day. Actually, we're not that worried at all cos he is always very friendly and smiley and cheers us up if we are feeling tired or bored. Go and see his show - the whole run is sold out now but we hear rumours of extra shows. If you are desperate to win a prize (won't tell you what and give the whole game away) then get in touch cos we do accept bribes of a liquid and alcoholic nature.

Another thing that I have learned is that Paul McDermott (could someone pick Sharon up off the floor...?) is compering Late N Live every Wednesday. So if you ever need to know where we are at 1am on a Thursday morning then set your course to Gilded Balloon Teviot and head down the front of the Bear pit where you will find Sharon sitting in a pool of her own dribble and me wearing some kind of disguise shifting my chair away pretending I am there on my own. It is a very exciting prospect cos Paul McDermott is an all time Comedy Lounge favourite. What the hell, I hereby inaugurate him into the Comedy Lounge Hall of Fame (which I am not sure exists... if not then I have just made it up now and I would also like to put Richard Digeance in there too).

Today's show recommendation comes in the form of a third of the maverick trio Electric Eel, namely Dan Clark (no 'e'). We went to see his solo show the other day (featuring the lovely Tom Price) and despite predictably loving it, we were taken aback at quite how spectacular it was and how bizarre it was to see him branching out on his own. It consists of monologues interspersed with sketches with a brilliant plot tying it all together. We will be seeing it at least another two times I should think and these days there aren't many shows we'll gladly subject ourselves to more than once.

I am again sitting in the very same internet cafe as last night and am again attempting to download an FTP programme from off of the internet. This time I have an hour and will think about maybe reading the instructions. While we're here we'd like to send a big Comedy Lounge hug to the cheeky Irish elf Jimmy Camden.

Gosh, its been ages, the Edinburgh Festival has finally arrived and so much has happened. We currently seem far too tired to properly be able to enjoy ourselves which hasn't gone unnoticed, culminating in practically every performer we meet telling us we look/sound/seem tired. We are due to perk up very soon indeed. The festival has got off to a bizarre start. I've resided in two different flats so far and am moving onto my third on Thursday.

I'd just like to clear up the badger issue. I was driving along a road in Scotchland which leads to Edinburgh and in the absence of proper street-lighting like what we have in England, saw something potentially gruesome looking coming up in the headlights. I looked straight ahead and not at the road cos I had correctly anticipated that it was some kind of mangled dead animal and what with the Warning - Badgers signs it was fairly obvious what species the poor little creature was before someone inhumanely ploughed it down. Anyway, there were lots of little (alive) rabbits by the side of the road which kept popping their little heads up to see where the light was coming from so they soon cheered me up. It was a long journey up from London which only really started at 8.30pm Sunday night due to the fact that a slightly smaller van than necessary was booked. And it took the man who was supposed to be at the van hire place about 90 minutes to actually turn up and give us the van. We did a few pick ups and then it became obvious that there was more stuff than van space as people had stupidly decided we were offering to carry the lazy arses' baggage up for them as well as props. Anyway, the least said the better and we arrived in Edinburgh at approximately 5am, had some soup, went to bed and then got up again at 8.30am for a day of carrying other peoples heavy props around and delivering their personal luggage to their doors. And relax.

But enough of that, lets talk about the fun that we've had so far. I've not seen a huge number of shows so far, I don't really feel like I am actually at a festival which is bizarre, maybe its cos I didn't have the struggle of bringing all of my possessions up on the train and covering myself in bruises, or maybe its cos until Thursday I dont actually move in with Sharon. We just don't know. I think the best show that I have seen so far is probably Live Ghost Hunt. It really made me and Sharon more hysterical than usual cos it was both painfully funny and terrifying at the same time which, for us, is a lethal combination. We can't recommend it hightly enough. Also obviously go and see Gary Le Strange, who we are featuring in our Edinburgh or Burst feature. There is a massive buzz around him this year and his name is being bandied about everywhere. We are hoping for at least some kind of fizzy water nomination cos it really is a spectacular show. You should also buy a copy of his album Polariod Suitcase which is available after the show at the Underbelly (11.20pm)

Its good to see that Avalon have surpassed themselves once more with their Avalon comedy booklet which looks uncannily like the actual Official Fringe Brochure. Well done to SOTCAA for that one. We are just wondering whether the man with the Perrier bottle is supposed to be who we think it is or whether we are reading too much into that one... answers on a postcard.
I am staying temporarily with one of my lovely friends who has rented possibly the nicest flat in the whole of Edinburgh. I have been being very domesticated and doing the washing up and trying to make cups of coffee for my two flat-mates at every given opportunity by way of justifying my existence in their abode. I have also been doing favours involving photocopiers, glue and keys.

I am sitting in an internet cafe just behind the Royal Mile at the moment in between shows. Sharon and her posse have gone to see Tom McRae who I also love but due to prior commitments which are now void I didn't get a ticket. So I am killing time really but also doing something that should have been done a long time ago. We are going to be on blistering form from now on, just you wait and see. Tonight I am going to see Dara O'Briain and Gavin Webster and hope to get along to late and live too. Really must put more action into my days as well as the nights or the three weeks are going to fly by and before I know it I will be back at work, blogging and telling you all how bored I am. I will snap out of this bizarre state of nothingness-ness that I seem to be stuck in. It may well take an evening of David Gray to get me out of this one. Or a lot of Tennants Tops.
Ooh, I also saw the Upsettables today which I really enjoyed. The plot is very silly and twisted but it is a brilliant hour of funny niceness so go and see that at 3.45pm in Dome 5. And if you are being boring and just sitting in the Pleasance courtyard then move your sorry arses to the Dome cos its ace there too.

I am currently and possiby illegally trying to download a free FTP programme to this computer at an unnamed internet cafe where I shall probably soon be arrested for corrupting this computer. We have stuff to upload you see and I am trying to make out like I am a technophile and know exactly what I am doing, but really I have no idea whatsoever. I have got so far as downloading FreeFTP but can't quite seem to get it to connect. It might help if I read the instructions but I am far too busy, important, clever and impatient to bother with that.